I'm horrible at this stuff. I can never seem to keep up with it.

I'm gaining weight, but I'm not eating.

I think I'm depressed.

and I don't know why I decided to put that all here. Some would read this and say I'm looking for attention. Well maybe I am. Maybe I'm still just a fucked up little boy that is looking for acceptance in the world and still hasn't found it.

It's something when you realize what you are going to be doing for the rest of your life is the only thing that has ever really made any sense to you and the signs were there from day 1.

I really wish my parents had lived in a better school district.

I can't sleep

Once,

I wrote you a lonely love song,

but you weren't mine,

so I sang it to the stars.

And now, writing of you goes unfinished.

My mind is crowded

with future thoughts of

us walking along the Seine or

us standing in the streets of Florence,

of a trip to D.C., where our first,

the perfect mixture of

me and

you,

will be animated.

And perhaps then,

I will finally wrap us in scarves and slide across ice.

I sit here smoking the last of my cigarettes

and my mind shifts to you. Your eyes--

the eyes that make me want to collapse to my knees

and cry, expelling all my sins to my only gift from the world--

I can always feel in my soul.

And even when your walls are thick

with honey, ripe, I want to use the lotus.

I couldn't sleep

A Love Song by William Carlos Williams What have I to say to you When we shall meet? Yet— I lie here thinking of you. The stain of love Is upon the world. Yellow, yellow, yellow, It eats into the leaves, Smears with saffron The horned branches that lean Heavily Against a smooth purple sky. There is no light— Only a honey-thick stain That drips from leaf to leaf And limb to limb Spoiling the colours Of the whole world. I am alone. The weight of love Has buoyed me up Till my head Knocks against the sky. See me! My hair is dripping with nectar— Starlings carry it On their black wings. See, at last My arms and my hands Are lying idle. How can I tell If I shall ever love you again As I do now?

beautiful woman

I'm laying in bed next to the most beautiful woman in the world. Does life getting anymore peaceful than this? That is something I can't possibly fathom at this point.

I got my tattoo today. It hurt, a lot. But as always, the pain was worth it. Cara described it as beautiful. Johnny, my tattoo artist, loved working on the piece. All of the artist at Karma love it as well.

It's time for me to try to sleep now. But I felt a need to post.

Well, I knew this would happen, my blog here has fallen by the waste-side.

I'm getting a new tattoo saturday.

Things are going well with Cara, though I can't say all that I want to on here.

I still haven't sent anything out to try to get published, I suck at life.